


A demon and an angel walk into a lift.

by doomed_spectacles



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, Flirting, Friendship, Humor, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Not Britpicked, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 20:56:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomed_spectacles/pseuds/doomed_spectacles
Summary: Three of the most awkward rides in the history of the most awkward celestial transport.Or,Aziraphale and Crowley flirt in the lift while the rest of Heaven and Hell think they're mad.





	A demon and an angel walk into a lift.

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just a "___ walked into an elevator" joke. Like, that's really all it is, but it made me laugh.
> 
> NOTE: I updated this to use the term lift, but since I'm American, I probably managed to get something else wrong. Very sorry.
> 
> Based on the idea that [Heaven and Hell share an elevator](https://66.media.tumblr.com/1cec82b3284ad4fb1b034dc0abf09390/tumblr_pv5ua0lRoc1xfkip2o1_1280.jpg).   
(This doesn't really make sense given the escalator scene & what Gabriel said in ep1 about Crowley not having spotted Aziraphale. Go with it, please.)

Aziraphale stepped inside just as the doors were about to close. 

"Good morning," he said to the lift's only other occupant.

Crowley didn't move towards him or nod. 

"Is it then." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, I think it is. The birds were chirping and everything." 

Crowley grunted in response.

Aziraphale fidgeted. He pressed the 'Up' button, and noticed that the 'Down' arrow was already lit up in a garish red but it blinked out every few seconds. The up arrow glowed a steady serene bluish white. There were only two buttons on the panel.

He settled inside the car, hands clasped in front of his body. He turned to look at Crowley, who was sprawled against the other side of the car, somehow leaning against both sides of his corner and looking, if not comfortable, exactly, then casual.

Crowley tipped his head towards the shiny security camera pointing down at them from the ceiling, but Aziraphale just stared at him blankly. He made an exaggerated gesture with his head. Aziraphale frowned, confused.

"It'd be a real displeasure to me, a demon, if things were _looking up_ this morning, angel," Crowley said, raising his eyebrows as far as they could go.

Aziraphale finally looked up towards the camera.

"Ah." He pursed his lips. "I see. Yes, I suppose it would, then."

They stood for a few moments in silence. The lift cables squealed loudly. They only seemed to do so when the car was descending.

Aziraphale cleared his throat.

Crowley made an obnoxious sound with his lips and extended his sprawl, dislocating a few limbs to do so.

"Still a demon, then?"

Aziraphale didn't look at Crowley.

"What kind of a stupid question is that?" Crowley's glasses concealed the amusement in his yellow eyes, but the wrinkles in his forehead gave him away. "Still a demon, then. What else am I going to be, an aardvark?"

The entire compartment shuddered and shook for a moment before settling down to its final floor with a loud thud. The doors opened and the stench of burnt popcorn wafted in from the corridor. Crowley sauntered out of the car into the poorly-lit hallway. He waved his arm but didn't look back to see the small smile on Aziraphale's face.

\---

Aziraphale held the doors so they wouldn't close and a demon walked in.

"Aziraphale, really?" Gabriel's tone was disgusted.

Aziraphale made a small noise that wasn't quite an apology. He smoothed the front of his suit. "Force of habit, I suppose."

Gabriel rolled his eyes and moved further to the right side of the car, away from the lift's demonic occupant. Michael shifted towards him.

Crowley shoved his hands as far as they could go into his minuscule pants pockets and nodded at the panel. The 'Down' arrow blinked red once, then went dark. The three angels and one demon in the car all frowned.

They waited. The lift didn't move.

"Did it-" Michael started. 

"-think it just takes a sec, sometimes," Crowley said, "when it's going down, anyway." He leaned against his side of the car, trying to appear unconcerned while watching the 'Down' arrow closely.

Gabriel looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, as if praying for patience. Aziraphale shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his hands clasped behind him. His face was the picture of calm as he stood between a demon and his boss. Michael coughed and looked at the floor.

The red button blinked back on and they started moving upwards, smoothly. 

Aziraphale, in the middle of the car, stared straight ahead.

"Still a demon, then?" he said.

Crowley folded his arms across his chest.

"What kind of a stupid question is that," he hissed. "Still a demon." He looked at Aziraphale in profile, but the angel didn't turn his head. 

"Right. What else would you be, an aardvark?" Aziraphale replied, breezily.

Michael snickered. 

The lift carried them quietly and swiftly upwards. It arrived at the highest floor and stopped imperceptibly. The doors opened with a pleasant chime.

"Please, after you," Aziraphale said, stepping aside to let Gabriel and Michael exit first. The angels stepped into a blinding white corridor. 

As they exited, Gabriel said, "Aardvark? Really Aziraphale, reminding that demon of his lowly status on Earth? Well done."

Aziraphale made a noise that wasn't quite agreement. He turned back towards the closing doors, where Crowley had moved to the middle and was lounging against the back of the car.

He winked. 

As the doors closed, the corners of Crowley's mouth twitched.

\---

Aziraphale stepped into the lift, humming quietly to himself and brushing droplets of rain from his coat. He moved to the right side and pushed the 'Up' button. The 'Down' button was blinking on and off rapidly. From the left side of the compartment came a low grunt and what can only be described as the stench of a swamp on a terribly muggy day.

Crowley cleared his throat.

"Miserable morning."

"Is it, then?" Aziraphale replied.

The lift shuddered and lurched downward. Hastur steadied himself with a hand against the glass side wall. When he removed his hand, a greasy mark remained. He spit in his palm and wiped the glass but this only made the spot worse.

Crowley looked straight ahead.

"Still an angel, then?"

"What kind of silly question is that?" Aziraphale answered, rocking back and forth on his heels. "What else would I be?"

"An aardvark?"

Hastur let out a high-pitched laugh that sounded like a cat trying to bark.

Aziraphale straightened his bowtie. He caught Crowley's eyes in the reflection of the glass door. He pressed his lips together and looked away. Crowley grinned.

They reached the lowest floor. The doors opened halfway, then stuck. Hastur shoved against one side and they slid the rest of the way open, groaning. He stepped into the hallway, which smelled like someone had recently microwaved fish nearby.

The demons stepped out of the lift and Hastur turned to Crowley. "What's an aardvark?"


End file.
